Did you ever notice how in the world of Hollywood movies...
1. During all police investigations it will be necessary the detectives to visit a strip club at least once.
2. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
3. If being chased through town, the hero can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade...no matter what the time of the year.
4. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpits of a woman, but only to waist of the man lying beside her.
5. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
6. It's always easy for anyone to land a plane, as long as they have someone in the control tower talking them down.
7. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect place for the hero to hide, because no one will ever think of looking for him there, especially not while he is using it to travel to any other part of the building without any difficulty at all.
8. Any of the good guys are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless they make the mistake of showing someone a picture of their sweetheart back home.
9. Any character who is trying to pass themselves off as a German officer does not have to actually speak the German language, because a little German accent will do.
10. If the town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or whatever, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade.
11. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
12. A good guy will show no pain at all while taking a ferocious beating from a bad guy, but will wince whenever a woman tries to clean his wounds.
13. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it sooner or later.
14. Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from anywhere else in the universe.
15. Kitchens don't have light switches, which forces any character who enters a kitchen at night to open the refrigerator door for light.
16 Any woman who is staying in a haunted house will always investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
17. Computers never display a cursor on screen, but will always say, "Enter Password Now."
18. Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
19. The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective...or...give him 48 hours to finish the case.
20. A single match will be enough to light up a room the size of the Houston Astrodome.
21. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel several times a minute.
22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so that the hero can tell exactly when they're going to go off.
23. It is always possible for the hero to park directly outside whatever building that he is visiting, even if it is in the middle of the day, in Manhattan.
24. When someone decides to start dancing in the street, everyone who comes along will know all of the steps.
25. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
26. It does not matter if the hero is heavily outnumbered in a fight that involves the martial arts, because his enemies will always wait patiently until they can attack him one by one.
27. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are assigned partners who are their exact opposites.
28. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
29. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paperclip in seconds...unless it's the door to a burning building that has a young child trapped inside.
30. An electric fence that is powerful enough to kill a dinosaur, will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.
31. Television news bulletins are always shown when the hero is there to watch them.
32. Bad guys can spray machine-gun fire all over the place, without ever hitting the hero, while the hero can hit the bad guys from a hundred yards away...with a snub nosed, five shot revolver that can fire twenty rounds before it has to be reloaded.
2. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
3. If being chased through town, the hero can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade...no matter what the time of the year.
4. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpits of a woman, but only to waist of the man lying beside her.
5. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
6. It's always easy for anyone to land a plane, as long as they have someone in the control tower talking them down.
7. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect place for the hero to hide, because no one will ever think of looking for him there, especially not while he is using it to travel to any other part of the building without any difficulty at all.
8. Any of the good guys are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless they make the mistake of showing someone a picture of their sweetheart back home.
9. Any character who is trying to pass themselves off as a German officer does not have to actually speak the German language, because a little German accent will do.
10. If the town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or whatever, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade.
11. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
12. A good guy will show no pain at all while taking a ferocious beating from a bad guy, but will wince whenever a woman tries to clean his wounds.
13. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it sooner or later.
14. Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from anywhere else in the universe.
15. Kitchens don't have light switches, which forces any character who enters a kitchen at night to open the refrigerator door for light.
16 Any woman who is staying in a haunted house will always investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
17. Computers never display a cursor on screen, but will always say, "Enter Password Now."
18. Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
19. The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective...or...give him 48 hours to finish the case.
20. A single match will be enough to light up a room the size of the Houston Astrodome.
21. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel several times a minute.
22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so that the hero can tell exactly when they're going to go off.
23. It is always possible for the hero to park directly outside whatever building that he is visiting, even if it is in the middle of the day, in Manhattan.
24. When someone decides to start dancing in the street, everyone who comes along will know all of the steps.
25. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
26. It does not matter if the hero is heavily outnumbered in a fight that involves the martial arts, because his enemies will always wait patiently until they can attack him one by one.
27. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are assigned partners who are their exact opposites.
28. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
29. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paperclip in seconds...unless it's the door to a burning building that has a young child trapped inside.
30. An electric fence that is powerful enough to kill a dinosaur, will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.
31. Television news bulletins are always shown when the hero is there to watch them.
32. Bad guys can spray machine-gun fire all over the place, without ever hitting the hero, while the hero can hit the bad guys from a hundred yards away...with a snub nosed, five shot revolver that can fire twenty rounds before it has to be reloaded.
Note: More Humor may be found at www.humorbin.com .
1 comment:
I've worked in the movies and some of this stuff's not funny...true...but not funny.
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