HUMOR-GOLF!

*Over the years I have tried to learn to play golf on at least a dozen different occasions, but so far the only thing that I have really learned about playing golf is that one has to have a great sense of humor in order to survive the humiliation that it is constantly facing you with, which is why I have collected a number of golfing anecdotes, or "jokes" if you prefer, several of which I am now going to share with you.

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GOLFING BUDDIES

Bill: Why don't you play golf with George anymore?

Bob: Would you play with someone who curses after each shot, cheats in the bunkers and enters false scores on his card?

Bill: No, of course not!

Bob: Neither will George.

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GOLFING BUDDIES (2)

*There was an old man named Bill and one of the things he most enjoyed was playing golf every week with his old buddy George, so much so that his wife always remarked on how happy he always seemed to look after he had spent a Saturday afternoon on the links with George, until one evening when he came home from their weekly game looking very unhappy and very, very tired, which caused his wife to ask, "What's the matter Bill? You always seem so happy after golf with George but this time you just look miserable."

"Yes, I am" her husband Bill said, with a dejected look, "because something terrible happened just as we were teeing off on the first hole. George had a heart attack."

"My God, honey!" his wife said, as she rushed to comfort him, "that must have been terrible for you!"

"Yes, it was," her husband said, "all day long it was...hit the ball, and then drag George to where the ball landed, and then hit the ball again..."

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DEARLY DEPARTED

Two guys were golfing on a course that was right next to a cemetery, and after they teed off, one of the golfers noticed that there was a funeral procession passing by, and so he took off his hat and then placed it over his heart, and then after the procession had passed he replaced his hat and got ready to resume play, which caused the other golfer to ask,

"Why did you do that?"

"Well, it was the least that I could do." The first golfer replied, "After all, we were married for 40 years."

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OLD TIMERS

*A young man who was an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon, and so he figured that if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home.

*Just as the young man was about to tee off an old gentleman came shuffling onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man, and just to be a gentleman the young man said yes.

*To the young man's surprise, the old man played fairly quickly, and even though he didn't hit the ball very far he didn't waste any time.

*Finally, after they reached the 9th fairway, the young man found himself with a tough shot to make, because of a large pine tree that was located right in front of his ball, and directly in between it and the green.

*After the young man debated with himself for several minutes about how to best hit this shot, the old man finally commented, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

*And so, facing this veiled challenge, the young man swung as hard as he could, and then hit the ball right into the trunk of the tree that was in front of him, after which it bounced against several other nearby obstructions before it finally came to rest on the ground basically in the same place where it had been before he hit it, after which the old man offered one more comment, which was "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."

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A GOLFING QUESTION

QUESTION: What do you call it when you see 300 white men chasing a black man?

ANSWER: The PGA tour.