HUMOR-CHRISTMAS!

*After having been caught up in the hustle and bustle of the Christmas holidays, I went online to locate some Christmas oriented humor to lighten things up, so to speak, and here are some of the better entries that I found.

* * *

"When you stop believing in Santa Claus,

is when you start getting clothes for Christmas."

* * *

"Ever since I told Santa that you were good this year,

He hasn't stopped laughing!"

* * *

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said,

"I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles."

"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"

* * *

As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"

The child then stared at him with an open mouth and a horrified look before she gasped,

"Didn't you get my E-mail?"

* * *

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents.

At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD PLAYER..."

Finally, his older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting so loud? God isn't deaf."

To which the little brother replied,

"No, but Gramma is!"

* * *

In a small Southern town that I was passing through, I chanced upon a "Nativity Scene" that showed that a great deal of skill and talent had gone into creating it. However, there was one small feature that bothered me, and that was that the three wise men were all wearing fireman's helmets.

Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I finally just gave up trying and then drove to a gas station at the edge of town where I stopped and asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets, which enraged her so much that she started yelling that

"You damn Yankees never do read the Bible!"

After I assured her that I did in fact read the bible on a regular basis, but that I still couldn't recall it saying anything about any firemen, she jerked her Bible out from behind the counter, and then ruffled through a few pages, until she finally jabbed her finger at a particular passage which she then stuck in my face and said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar.'"

* * *

A boy begs his father to get him a Christmas tree every year.

Each year, the boy asks and the father tells him, "No, because I don't want to pay for it."

But the son keeps begging until the father is unable to bear his son's begging any longer, and then the father finally picks up his axe and leaves the house.

Thirty minutes later the father returns with a great Christmas tree.

"How did you cut it down so fast?" his son asks in amazement .

"I didn't cut it down," the father replies. "I got it at a tree lot down the street."

"Then why did you take your axe?" the boy asks,

to which the father replies, "Because I didn't want to pay."